You are the Cause Your Own Discomfort
Therefore, You are the Solution to Resolving Your Discomfort.
How many times a week are messages sent that should convey that you cause of your own discomfort? These messages come from that almost imperceptible tightening in your gut that you ignore or immediately dismiss. It happens each time you shade the truth in order to avoid some perceived embarrassment, each time you feel you are entitled to be heard, each time you express your opinion as if you know more than others in the discussion.
These momentary discomforts grow into persistent irritants when you are frequently called on your inconsistencies, when you are aware that others stiffen when you enter the room, when someone pushes back to something you say in a way that seems aggressive or out of context.
Over time you begin to sense an alienation toward others, you feel as though you need to be combative in order to be taken seriously or you need to defend and prove all the positions you take. This reactive behavior makes each succeeding situation more contentious and heightens your defensiveness.
For many continuing discomforts grows into a gnawing resentment that precedes an interactions and colors your expectations about how the situation will unfold. This unrecognized prediction is a construct of your own making and guarantees an unsatisfactory relationship. The good news is that all of this discomfort is within you own power to change.
The solution is to first become aware of your attitudes and actions that are causing discomfort. You must make a directed effort to modify your behaviors that bring about these discomforts. Secondly, when you find yourself acting inappropriately, quickly acknowledge what you did and indicate you are working on your behaviors.
A critical element of the solution is to keep the focus on your own behavior. It makes no difference how someone else act or reacts. When you take responsibility for yourself and act in a measured way, you benefit with less resentment. You are not saddled with the residual emotional hangover that comes with confrontation and are left with a sense of inner peace.